Keeping The Faith

Faith.  I am having a hard time keeping the faith.  I don’t understand why God isn’t giving us better news when it comes to Julie’s cancer. I am struggling with why bad things happen to good people and I just can’t make sense of why God would put this on Julie & Brendan’s shoulder.

Those of you who have been with me since I was young know I was raised catholic, confirmed in the catholic church, and grew up attending Sunday Mass.  But for reasons to long to explain in a blog, I had a bit of a falling out with the church my freshman year in college.  I have always believed in God, but when I was a Freshman I quit going to church and became somewhat disgruntled with the Catholic Church.  A few years later I decided I missed it, and I wanted to go back to church.   I got up early one Sunday and made my way to St. Mary’s Catholic Church in College Station.  Well, it just so happens that the Mass I picked to attend was all in Spanish…and I don’t speak Spanish.  I took this as a sign that I was not suppose to return to the church at that time.  I have always had faith, but like any smart educated person, I questioned some of the things I had been taught.


Long story short, I ended up going back to the Catholic Church after 9/11.  Being in D.C. on that day and the days after was a scary thing.  I knew God was on my side when I attended church on September 14.  It was a horrible week.  We had military humvee’s on every corner with men in uniform brandishing large automatic weapons.  On my way to work I would pass soldiers and anti-aircraft missile launchers (in the middle of a city).  We had fighter jets patrolling our skies, when no other aircraft was allowed to fly.  You couldn’t get anywhere near the pentagon and various building were on full-scale lockdown.  As you can imagine, I was a nervous crying wreck as I continued to go to work every day that week, as if all systems were normal.  When I went to church on the 14th, God took my fear away.  I can’t explain it, but I walked in that church a mess, and I walked out with a since of utter calm.  That is when I knew it was time to return.


The whole reason I started this story was to talk about how this situation has been making me question God’s power and the lesson I am suppose to be learning out of all of this.  I have been asking all my friends that I consider to be “really religious”…what they can make of it.  I got an answer tonight from my friend Tenequa that I wanted to share. 


I need to trust that God is in control and will take care of everyone and that we cannot lose faith now because that is what the devil wants us to do.  Now is the time that we must double our efforts.


I read something last night that I try to keep reminding myself, “Belief is not the absence of doubt, but the decision to stand in the midst of your doubts.”  If you know me, you know I am stubborn and stand by my decisions.  I am willing to hang in and do whatever it takes to give Julie & Brendan support to fight the cancer.  I hope everyone hangs in there with us and continues to keep the faith. 

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4 Responses to Keeping The Faith

  1. Geneen says:

    Great post Jen! Let’s resolve to do that — redouble our efforts. Your friend Tenequa is right. We mustn’t give in and lose faith. There has to be a reason for this, though we cannot understand it or see it now.

  2. Aimee H says:

    I have been reading your website for as long as it has been a link on Julie and Brendan’s. I have always had trouble keeping the faith when things are bad, or didn’t go the way I want them too. Your friend’s words are so true though.

    I don’t know Julie and Brendan, but I know how special they are to you and to my friend Carrie and to so many people. They have wonderful spirits and strong faith and I know God has a great plan for them. I will keep them and you in my prayers.

  3. Irma says:

    Julie is going to be ok…I just know it! We’re all going to be old women going on girl’s trip and all this will be “that scare with Julie back in ’06/’07”. I know you want to understand…but – it isn’t necessary – just believe.

  4. Matt D says:

    Jen, your post reminds me of Mary Stevenson’s famous poem, which everyone has heard at least once, “Footprints in the Sand.”

    “LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
    you, you’d walk with me all the way.
    But I have noticed that during the most
    troublesome times in my life,
    there is only one set of footprints.
    I don’t understand why when
    I needed you most you would leave me.”

    The LORD replied:

    “My son, my precious child,
    I love you and I would never leave you.
    During your times of trial and suffering,
    when you see only one set of footprints,
    it was then that I carried you.”

    I truly believe he carries us often, we simply have to trust and believe.

    One final word of wisdom which comes from my Mom who often says, “God sometimes writes straight with crooked lines.”

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