I went for a jog today in sunny West Palm Beach, Florida. It was Blue clear sky, birds flying above and I was listening to my ipod. I found myself bawling. It seemingly came out of nowhere. I missed her so much. I was overcome with grief. Every memory I had came flooding back to me. I remembered the years we spent trying to run as exercise; the years we spent just hanging out on a blue clear sky day; at the Beach House, at Bay Area Park, Riding our Bikes, Hanging at the Pool. Every turn reminded me of her. Songs on my ipod hit a cord with me (I get by with a little help from my friends, I’ll be Missing You. Here comes the Sun.) I found myself running and bawling. Full on chest heaving bawling. (God knows what the retired people thought in this sleepy little golf community). If I am honest, the only other time I cried like this was the night Julie passed. I was at her bedside, on my knees, chest heaving bawling when I realized she was gone.
I have lost grandparents, aunts and uncles, casual friends, and dogs, but nothing prepared me for this kind of grief. Now I know what they mean when they say it comes in waves. Today, missing Julie knocked the wind out of me. And yet the Blue Clear Sky reminded me that life goes on, and I have to get back in the drivers seat and continue on..until I meet Jules in heaven.