By the time most of you read this it will be tomorrow (Wednesday, June 25) and it will be my birthday. There are many things I enjoy about being solidly in my 30’s (by solidly I mean I am closer to 40 than 30.) The 30’s are great. You know what you are doing; you are no longer searching for yourself. You are far enough in your career to do what you want. You are no longer struggling and having to decide between happy hour with friends or groceries. You are old enough that you really don’t care what people think (okay well truth be told, I probably reached that point at age at 2 or 3 years old).
But this year is hard. It is the first time in over 2+ decades that I will not be greeted on my birthday by my best friend singing a loud rendition of Happy Birthday (or Julie accompanied by Hallie & Jackson in recent years). Although I will say, I am thankful we are no longer in Intermediate School…its a little loud being greeted over the phone with a Euphonium playing Happy Birthday. There will be no package in the mail that just happens to be the perfect gift… the one thing you were gripping about 6 months ago that you needed and she wrote it down and remembered. Julie was great at getting the right gift, just something small, but something I needed.
I had dinner tonight with one of my dearest DC friends. It was a wonderful evening but toward the end it made me miss Julie. Wonderful and fabulous friends surround me, but nothing fills the space and memories of Jules. I am sure when all of us have a birthday or a special event, we are going to feel a hole. I am not whining and by no means do I mean this post to be whining. I am grateful for the gifts in my life. And I recognize that first and foremost, Julie was a gift.
It is my first birthday a.j. (after Julie). From here on out, it will just get easier.