Another Run In With the Carsonator

So, I take Carson to the Vet today to get his bath. (Why the vet?  They do a great job and I nearly kill myself trying to get him in the bath tub and trying to dry his big thick fur.  The vet is really the best way to go.) Now as you know from previous posts, I have a stubborn dog who has very strict rules about when and how he gets in the car.  The problem is, I cannot for the life of me figure out his rules..other than he doesn’t do crap if it’s raining.  So every since the last Mexican Standoff with Carson  I have been a bit selective about taking him places in public.  It used to be anytime I was going somewhere I would load him the car.  But I think because he has gotten older and is sick (did I tell you Carson has cancer) he doesn’t get in and out of the car so well. 

Because I would do anything for my dog I went out and invested a small fortune on a fancy sturdy folding ramp to help him get in and out of the vehicle.  Well he has successfully used it three times…each time I had to use dog treats to lure him in the car.   This weekend we went to the dog park and he walked right up the ramp into the back of the SUV. I was very excited. I was convinced that he was now comfortable with the ramp and we would have no more problems. Then, two days later when I wanted to take him to my cousins, he flat out refused to use the dog ramp.  He just sat down in the road, looked at the ramp and then looked at me like I was crazy. I am pretty sure he was saying, “why don’t you use the ramp if your that excited about it.”  So, we opted for the old fashioned method where he puts his front two paws on the tail of the vehicle and I use every muscle in my body to heave his 90 lbs back end into the car.  Because this must look ridiculous (and probably rather incredible that I can even lift this wide load) I try to do it quickly to not draw excessive attention to myself.  (I think I told you that I have had people stop in a parking lot and actually say, “Oh Man I got to see this!” as they watched me put Carson in the car.) You know how I hate to be the center of attention…especially with a difficult dog.

So back to today.  I took Carson to the vet and I DID NOT take the ramp.  As I said, he has been refusing to use it, why take it.  So in order to get to the vet this morning (it was a clear blue sky morning, no rain) I just heaved his back end into the car.  We get to the vet, he hops out and all is fine.  So, I show up at 6 p.m., closing time, to pick him up.  The parking lot was packed, I got the last spot.  I go in, get Carson, and he is very excited to be going home.  We go out to the car, I open the back of the SUV, he hops up and puts his front two paws on the back of the car and I bend down to lift his back half up in the car.  Well as I am lifting his back end, he lets his front paws go back down to the ground. So his front half is standing in the parking lot and I am dying with his back half in the air trying to lift him in the car.  He did this to me no less than 5 times!  It took 5 minutes to get him the darn car.  Of course the whole time I am having a conversation with him. “Honestly Carson, do you want to get in the car and go home?  Then put your paws up here and don’t drop them.”  “Carson, get in the fricken car.”  “Carson I didn’t bring the dang ramp because you won’t use it and I honestly don’t know how you expect to get your butt home if you won’t keep your paws on the back of the car.”   “Carson, I am not going to do this again, don’t move your paws!”   Yes, I got lots of strange looks from people whose dogs would just hop right in their car.  One guy offered to help. I couldn’t do it to him, I didn’t want to be sued for any back pain Carson might inflict on the poor guy (he didn’t look too strong).

Finally I ended up opening one of the back doors and Carson BARELY Squeezed his voluptuous hips into the back seat between the seats.  He eventually hopped up on the freshly cleaned leather seats where he ended up sliding around the whole way home.  Of course every time he would slide across the seat I would say, “I told you to get in the far back but NOOOO, you had to be difficult tonight.” 

Yeah, I got great parenting skills…

Carson 007

(It was a rough day at the Vet getting a Bath..he has been like this since he got home.)


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5 Responses to Another Run In With the Carsonator

  1. Angie Morton says:

    This is EXACTLY the same thing my mom goes thru with her new Dane. Except he only has one back leg so getting in the SUV by himself is impossible. He is 110 lbs and apparently too thin at the moment! My mom is going to throw her back out getting this dog in the car!

  2. Lynn says:

    And who says dogs are dumb? He has you eating out of his hand. 🙂 What a smart puppy! He looks very happy napping there.

  3. Dog Treats From Your Kitchen. Store bought doggie biscuits are OK, but nothing beats homemade goodies.

  4. jackson4 says:

    this is just too funny. It made me laugh out loud.

  5. yvette neider says:

    Hi Jen,

    Ebony told me I should ask you a few questions about DC since my whole family is planning an Aug. trip. I’m Julie’s neighbor and friend. I hope you remember me! You took Jackson to my son’s party at Chuck E Cheese. We were trying to decide what Embassy suites to stay at. I was thinking about the one in Alexandria since its across the st. from the metro. Do you think crime is something to consider if we stay in the heart of DC? Also, is there a free transportation system on King? or is it called King? anyway, thanks for your info. and I hope you are doing well. Heard you were just down in all this heat! take care!

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